Love and Scars
by HoshisamaValmor
Summary: Marks and scars affect everyone differently, but not being able to feel is a very deep one. Yumi asks Soujirou about what he doesn't understand. Not slash/romantic pairing.


**Author's Note:** This story takes place a couple of years before the Kyoto Arc events.  
>I needed to write this. I was recovering from a bad thing and I needed some Rurouni Kenshin in mind to help me through it. Written on paper at candle light at <em>"To the Beginning"<em> by Kalafina, typed at _"Mighty Long Fall_" by One OK Rock.

This idea came from **julystorms** small meta, which can be read at their tumblr page. You need to go to the tags and it'll be easy, links are hard to work here but you can try

julystorms DOT tumblr DOT com (SLASH) post (SLASH) 96319390187 (SLASH) what-do-you-think-of-soujirou-and-yumis

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Rurouni Kenshin / Samurai X, I've just spent nearly 20 years being a fan and this is my first fanfiction.

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><p>The sky was clouded, tainting everything with a dim yet slightly bright light. A soft breeze left a pleasant feeling, and both made Yumi feel tranquil. It was nice to have these moments that felt so unique and full. At times like these, she didn't consciously think about other things, unpleasant things, but she felt the uninvited shadow in the back of her mind.<p>

That shadow made the present moment all the better, actually. She was no longer in that past, and now she had afternoons like this, with this light, this breeeze, this freedom and a man she actually loved.

Who would have thought she would be able to love someone so profoundly, or love at all? It used to be something so unreal before, the mere thought would make her sick to her stomach. And now she had a man who loved her back, and she even had a boy whom felt like a mixture between a son and a brother. Though both definations still felt slighly odd when she thought about the boy. But that meant she had a family. Was Soujirou even old enough to actually be her son?

"Boy."

Soujirou was entertained petting a yellow-haired stray cat that had found its way to the abandonned dojo they had made into their latest hideout. The cat meowed happily from the attention and as such the boy was more focused on it than on Yumi, so it took some seconds for him to turn at her, usual carefree expression marking his face.

"Yes, Yumi-san?"

"How old are you now?"

"Hm? Fifteen."

"You're still a child after all."

"I'm young, not a child, wouldn't you agree, Yumi-san? Besides, I'm technically an adult."

Yumi giggled softly. "You'll always feel like a child to me no matter your age."

"That's a strange thing to say."

"There's a lot to being an adult besides your age, you know."

"Hm?"

"See? That much shows you still don't understand. There's more than learning how to fight and kill and survive."

Soujirou blinked, completely confused. Yumi sighed.

"Of course those are all important. But there's responsability for instance. Adapting also turns you into an adult, and there's a lot of emotional changes too."

"That's so strange, Yumi-san."

"Why is it so strange, boy? There's good and bad emotions. Me for instance, I felt hate for almost all my life. It's a very powerful driving force."

"Who did you hate?"

"Everyone. And myself too. It gave me force and it kept me going through life, until it allowed me to find Shishio-sama and then I felt love instead. Now that I know love, I find it sad to imagine those who don't."

"You have a soft heart, Yumi-san," Soujirou said with a giggle.

How inappropriate! She didn't have a soft heart!

"How dare you, boy! Feelings don't make you weak!"

"Of course they do. Feelings are very distracting, and unecessary. They don't matter at all."

"Have you never felt in love?"

Soujirou fell silent, and again Yumi sighed. It was not the most conventional conversation topic to be had, but she wasn't a conventional woman in the slightest. But it turns out she was wasting her breath with subjects he didn't know. Really, no need to ask something like that to the boy... though it did make her wander. Could he really not feel anything at all? Was that truly possible?

The cat was still there, and let out an annoyed meow from being ignored for so long. Soujirou's hand hadn't moved. Yumi turned to him, and even so it took her some time to realize Soujirou's eyes were unfocused, staring at some distant point only he saw.

"Boy?"

"I don't understand it." he replied finally, and Yumi's eyebrow arched. Had he seriously been thinking about it all that time? "I just... don't. I think... I _can_ get the definition of the word, the word itself, but I just _can't_ understand what it means."

"Boy?" He was spacing out.

"It's so odd. I suppose people feel a connection with the term, right? Like, when someone says the color _'blue'_, you easily connect _'sea'_ or _'sky'_ to it, right? But I just can't understand what love's supposed to mean."

The boy wasn't lying, Yumi could tell. That wasn't an act. There really was no emotional response whatsoever. Confusion couldn't be considered an emotion, it was a reaction. The boy was empty.

How... sad.

"You already know a form of it."

"I do?" he sounded genuinely surprised and intrigued, his head shotting up just like a child. Then he got it. "Oh, you mean Shishio-san?"

"Of course. Admiration and devotion are both forms of love."

"Oh, but that's different from what Yumi-san meant." A child might have sounded slightly annoyed, like they had been asked a trick question, but he just seemed curious.

"But you have felt it."

Soujirou raised his eyes to meet hers and his handsome face opened into an empty smile.

"I owe my life to Shishio-san. He taught me everything I know. That's all there is to it."

Yumi sighed silently.

"I suppose it is."

"Why the question, Yumi-san?"

"I got curious. But I guess I should have known you wouldn't be able to experience this."

"I don't need to." And again he smiled. Yumi wondered if she was the only one thought that smile was sad.

Then again, there was no one else to wonder about that.

"No you don't."

The boy turned back his attention to the stray cat, but shortly after, his head moved in her direction again.

"I like you, Yumi-san. You're kind. But you say very strange things too."

The wood cracked behind her from the weight difference and Yumi turned to see Shishio returned, the dim light of the sky revealing his frame slowly.

"Soujirou, go fetch Cho. I have a task for him," he ordered, and Soujirou got up to his feet swiftly.

"Certainly. Excuse me, Shishio-san, Yumi-san," and he left.

Yumi guessed something was troubling Shishio, and as expected he spoke as soon as they were alone.

"Don't tell me you've taken an interest in the boy?" that wasn't a question.

"Of course not." That had never even crossed her mind, and she hoped Shishio knew her enough already to tell the truth of her words. "I like men not children."

"Why ask him that, then?"

"He saddens me. That emotion repression... makes me wonder why he does it. But we all have our ghosts to haunt us, right?"

Shishio gave a small laugh.

"You have a soft heart after all."

"Don't say that, Shishio-sama. I'm not weak nor soft."

"Don't ask about Soujirou or whatever he feels. Those matters are all irrelevant for him and for me."

"Very well."

Yumi gestured for Shishio to sit next to her, longing to be near him. When he granted her wish, she rested her head on his shoulder, careful not to hurt him. Her family was scarred, and it was everything for her. She wouldn't lose this.

"We're all marked by our pasts, aren't we?"

"Marks make us stronger, not weaker."

"Indeed."

~**おわり~**

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><p><span>Author's Note:<span> Cat moment shamelessly included thanks to the character Ninomae Juuichi of j-drama Keizoku 2 SPEC and its following installments. The role of Soujirou made me fascinated with Kamiki Ryunosuke.  
>This could be cut shorter I guess, but I wanted it this way. I wrote this and another fanfic, <em>"Carry On"<em>

**Thanks for reading.**


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